Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: What’s Blocking My Team’s Call?
BY Dr. PIA FITZGERALD
Remember the main person you will always have to lead is YOU.
Introduction: The Mirror Principle and Leadership
Ever had a moment where a team member says something that ticks you off, and you think, How could they even think that’s okay?! Well, spoiler alert: it might have more to do with you than them. Welcome to the Mirror Principle, the leadership lesson that no one asks for but everyone needs.
The Mirror Principle is simple: what frustrates or inspires you in others often reflects something in yourself.
When it comes to communication, these reflections can shine a light on roadblocks that are keeping your team from thriving. But don’t worry, we’re here to crack the code with a little humor, a touch of self-awareness, and two tools from the Agile Leader Framework: Curiosity and Trust.
Common Communication Roadblocks (And Their Reflection in the Mirror)
Roadblock: “Nobody listens to me!”
Mirror Insight: Are you listening to others?
Scene: You’ve explained the new project plan three times, and still, your team stares blankly like you’ve just read them a page from War and Peace (or pick your favorite snooze fest). Frustrating? Absolutely. But maybe it’s time to ask yourself: am I modeling the listening I want to see?
Solution: Lean into Curiosity.
Instead of repeating yourself louder (or in PowerPoint), ask open-ended questions:
“What areas would you like me to share more about the plan?”
“How do you see this working best for your role?”
By showing you value their perspective, you’ll inspire them to value yours.
Roadblock: “Everyone’s defensive during feedback.”
Mirror Insight: Are you delivering feedback in a way that feels safe?
Let’s repeat this one: Are you delivering feedback in a way that feels safe?
Scene: You give what you think is constructive criticism, and instead of gratitude, you get excuses, crossed arms, or awkward silence. Here’s the thing: if feedback feels like an ambush, people will respond like they’re under attack.
Solution: Build Trust through transparency.
Try this:
Before giving feedback, ask for permission: “Can I share an observation about your presentation?”
Use “I” statements with curiosity: “I was wondering how the visuals came across to the audience. What’s your perspective on how they landed?”
This phrasing invites collaboration and shows genuine interest in the other person’s viewpoint, making it feel like a joint problem-solving effort rather than a critique.
Trust grows when people feel safe and supported, not blindsided.
How to Overcome Communication Roadblocks with the Agile Leader Framework
1. Practice Curiosity Over Criticism
Think of curiosity as the WD-40 of communication. It loosens up tight situations and makes everything flow smoother. Instead of jumping to conclusions, ask thoughtful questions:
“What’s driving your perspective on this issue?”
“How can I better clarify this for you?”
Pro tip: Even if you think you know the answer, stay curious. People feel heard when you ask—not when you assume.
2. Trust: The Backbone of Communication
Trust isn’t built overnight, but it can be eroded in seconds.
Consistently demonstrate that your intentions are positive, and be willing to admit when you’re wrong. Yes, even you, Leader Extraordinaire. A quick, “You’re right, I missed that point—thank you for catching it,” can do wonders for team morale I promise!
The Humor of Leadership Mirrors
Let’s be honest: seeing yourself in the mirror isn’t always pretty, especially naked (metaphorically speaking, of course)! Maybe your team’s resistance to change reflects your own hesitation to adapt. Or perhaps their lack of initiative mirrors your tendency to micromanage. Whatever the case, remember: the mirror isn’t your enemy—it’s your coach.
I’ll say it again: The mirror isn’t your enemy—it’s your coach.
Think of it this way: If Snow White’s evil queen had swapped her “Who’s the fairest?” routine for “What can I learn?” she might have built a kingdom filled with wisdom—and a little less drama.”
Conclusion: Leading Beyond the Mirror
The Mirror Principle isn’t about blame—it’s about awareness. When communication roadblocks arise, take a beat to reflect on what your team might be mirroring back to you. By practicing curiosity and building trust, you’ll not only clear those roadblocks but also strengthen the confidence, connection, and collaboration that make teams shine.
So, the next time you’re frustrated with your team, pause. Look in the mirror (figuratively, unless you happen to have one handy). And ask: What is this trying to teach me as a leader? It might just be the fairest—and most effective—question of them all. (See what I did there? 😊)